happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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