I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
