I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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