32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
