I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
