i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Still dying that you shit outside
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
