Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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