i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
