i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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