I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
