we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
