1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
