So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
