I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
