why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
