i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
