She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
