My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
