His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
