I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
