Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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