Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my being single is dangerous.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
