why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
