dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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