super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
