I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
