I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
