Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
