idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
