hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
