he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
