she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
