My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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