i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
