i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
