dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
bring money and cleavage
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
