Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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