I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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