dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
