guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
high people should be assigned attendants
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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