I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
