i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
