Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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