so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
