Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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