hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
