So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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