Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
