Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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