ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Help me help you realize you are a moron
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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