He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
