This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
