oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
